Posts Tagged ‘India’

Of Numerology and Athiti Devo Bhav

March 24, 2009

Guess what will keep YSR in power this next horse-trading election season?

According to numerologists, chief minister YS Rajasekhara Reddy has the magical number five which will keep him in power for long. [link]

Now, this is not from a ToI or a Savvy – it is from votecong.com – congress’ own mouthpiece! With this for a guarantee, I guess the voters have less to decide on.


In other news, ‘their’ lady of Italy had this to say in Davangere “We are not the sort of people who take terrorists like guests to Kandahar

Yes ma’m, you invited them home. I guess this is a case of taking athithi devo bhava a tad too far. She probably wasnt mad at them being treated as guests – her operative word was, why Kandahar, when we have Mumbai!   

‘Achieving’ India

February 24, 2009

Citing the Oscar wins of A R Rahman and Resul Pookutty, the Congress today sought to claim credit for creating a “conducive environment” that has led to the emergence of ‘Achieving India’ during the UPA rule.  #

Rahman and that other guy were so massively denigrated by the earlier Governments and the condition was so horrible that they could not make any songs! Poor them! But with the current set of punters at the helm, everything turned green (much like Pakistan). There were also the unclear deal (sorry nuclear deal), the rabid killings of a few thousands, illogical and pointless murmurings thereafter, the …… sigh. What an achievement! 

Reminds me of this quote: It is better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you‘re ignorant, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

This is not ‘Achieving India’. As the colonists may put it: this is ‘Achieving’ India.

A peice of information…

August 5, 2008

Thanks to Tanu:

The government has issued instructions that all Indian passports with serial numbers Z-000001 to Z-045925 are to be recalled and new passports issued in their place [ToI]

I just had my passport redone (not in Dubai though) – luckily missed out on having to go through the paperwork again. Anyways, FYI.

An interesting thing happened just now. I was linking to Tanvi’s blog (rmtkdotblogspotdotcom) and mistyped it as rmtkdotblogpsot.com. Check out the latter site.

Enter Jihadman

July 27, 2008

…Sleep with one eye open; Gripping your pillow tight; Exit light, enter night…

Metallica rocks. But given a choice, I prefer Tagore’s Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high. Operative word: choice.

‘Stop us if you can’, an open challenge. Something you expect an over-confident criminal to say in a second-grade tv series on crime and investigation before they are bashed up by the sleuths. Not so much in real life. Definitely not in a system as complicated as ours.

Let us discount all our notions for a moment and face reality: we are f*****d. I mean, we are supposed to be the ones in the race for superpower and all that. But then, as Calvin put it, reality continues to ruin our lives.

Articles after articles have been written and arguments and counter-arguments provided for all that is wrong with our society. Journalists have criticized the government, inked out sarcastic articles and the government in turn had expressed shock, anger and then condemned the terrorist outfits. The opposition has spoken of the TADA and POTA acts that may have helped with the situation at which time human rights organization rose from its sleep. It is only in the in the interest of sanity that I will not link to any of the above-quoted. But nothing changed.

There is a cycle to all this. I mean, this happens every time we face a threat as the one above – albeit not always so explicitly. Some things never change. In India we are “simpul” people. No, am not claiming we are perfect but definitely we aren’t complicated. We “adjusht maadi” to anything and everything. If we cant, as in the case of the above, we shut the fuck up and go back to our stupid lives.

Neitzsche once said “That which doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger“. For Indians, he would perhaps have edited it thus: “That which doesnt kill you, only makes you indifferent“. I find no other reason why our skins are so thick and why we have zero sense of collective responsibility. And many would like to poke their nose now and ask me what is collective responsibility. I mean responsibility towards the nation – suffrage. Sadly we like suffer-age better.

But what are our choices? A defunct set of morons who would do anything for themselves? I have decided to stop commenting on the drivel served to us in the name of white papers and statements by politicians. I mean, we have a PM who, for the sake of governing, put reforms in the backseat (as ordered by our dear Leftists). A cheap whore in the name of ruling party president who has a (last) name and nothing else. Cabinet ministers who are busy stuffing up cabinets! A fucked up opposition, that is so confused that I am not going to shame myself talking about them. But I have this to say about these morons: I bet the NDA govt could NOT have done any better if they were in power instead of the UPA. Our dear regional parties for whom, India is a map and “bahujan” is priority. Left, well, they are probably the most efficient of the lot – for China, I mean.

Krishna Prasad let this out well in his article on rediff, pertaining to the security system in India. I extrapolate- everything is a joke in India. It is a wonder we still exist! Think what a terrorists’ thought process may be, think of how easy it is for the terrorist to do what he does best in our “free country” and then the real fear will sink in.

There is perhaps nothing much one can do regarding where we stand today. But as a group perhaps we can. Maybe we should, before even as a group we will be rendered useless. But if people have to realize this after listening to me, perhaps they are unworthy of existence in the first place. Stupidity must be declared a crime. Now I wont elucidate on who is “we” and who is “stupid”. For that you will have to dig your own grave.

There must be supremely intelligent people up there – the IASes, the IPSes and the like, not to forget our paanchvi pass mantris. But may I try and offer my 2 paisa on what, according to a poor old graduate, can be done to at least contain the madness we are subject to: This. Last I heard of this, was when NDA was in power – some talk on biometric IDs and all that. But definitely the commies held us by the balls, nothing cholbe-d. I understand that many people do not think that carrying an ID card will make h(n)ot-minded terrorists think anymore but definitely it will make it harder for them. It will make them traceable and Indians in general accountable. It will make it easier for our security infrastructure to operate. We also have to realize that all this will not happen overnight. Let us see if any party brings National ID scheme as an election issue in the upcoming elections. I bet they wont.

One other thing I think we must not do, is lose faith. And I fully understand that is a hard thing to ask Indians to do. But we dont live in the Tagore-land anymore- we never did. We dont have the choice. Gosh, life sucks.

I’m off to never never land…boom!

Are you smarter than an Indian politician?

July 19, 2008

N-deal not good for Muslims: Siddiqui

Indian Muslims are against George W Bush or any deal with America.

Give deal to Muslims because that is democratic.

We have become bonded labour because BJP closes options.

This guy is funny. Not so long ago, when the communists took over Nepal, an attempt to “save” the only Hindu country in the world was deemed as a communal. In the words of one famous homosexual – and proud to be so Indian, a muslim next door is more important to me than all Hindus in Nepal. So be it. I mean, with that aptitude, I thought it would be rather jobless of me to try and explain the significance of communists taking over Nepal. The support Hindraf asked of India, was probably shook off by Karunanidhi because, that was for a Hindu cause. Apparently they tried the Tamil angle which bought them some support. But even that, my friend argued, was supporting the Hindu cause. And that is sin. “Indians” carrying out protests against Bush, for his war that killed non-Indian muslims in Iraq, or supporting Saddam in Bangalore, or providing relief to Pakistan – our friendly neighbors – that is fine.

Dear V****m, I can understand you being irrational. But can you also not be a hypocrite? It makes it ‘hard’ for me to like you. Well, not in a queer way.

Sample this: “The deal is anti-Muslim and we are against it more se because it is being promoted by the US which is an anti-muslim country” . He must’ve forgotten he represents a constituency, which unfortunately has not been fully converted to Islam yet. I am sure this guy wanted more than 25 crores to overcome his muslim-ness and vote for congress.

Talking of funny guys, Raul Vinci, with a Gandhi tag, is another. In a recent statement, the future Maharaja of India, has said that the deal is worth the risk for India and if the government falls, so be it. After all ,that will give him chance to rule us. He also said the following: “There are people in Bharatiya Janata Party and other parties who are 100 per cent for the deal. I don’t understand why there are people opposing the deal. So if somebody argues that it is bad, then there is a feeling it is political.”

For a party that is in power because of “keeping communal forces out” and which is being pulled down because this fcuked up concoction is too acerbic now that the enemy is the anti-muslim according to the Left, this man, must take us to be super-dumb or something. Come on Raul, you know it – its all political. People and India and Indian people mean no shit to you.

He also blabbered about his dad being opposed when he brought IT into India… but I guess he is prone to making such statements. Hitler believed his race was the most superior. and hence he was a racist. This guy thinks his family is – he must be familist! Irfan Habib was badly annoyed when Raul mentioned that Gandhi parivar was responsible for the Pak breakup of 1971. What goes round, comes round.

This is crunch time in Indian politics. The question over the nuclear deal has sent all politicians, across all parties, scurrying for options. Everyone wants to make some money – 25 crores was what I heard the rate was. They are spoilt for choice – priority is hard to make up. BJP would probably have signed this deal itself if it were in power and most probably is opposing it just because it isnt and wouldnt have congress take the honors. Left is undecided whether to keep BJP out of power or vote with it. They also have the “imperialist” America to contend with. But I guess, they have decided US is a bigger phantom than BJP – As a passenger in a train, one cannot determine or choose who the other co-passengers are were the exact words. Benkaiah Naidu, meanwhile has allayed Somnath baba;s fears of voting with BJP and I think BJP will sponsor arrangements for him to vote separately. Left is peculiar. It was only looking for a chance to pull the Govt down so that in the next elections it can say it did so because the UPA didnt do well. Really cunning bunch of eunuchs. That is a rather difficult combination to handle.

Meanwhile, Mayawati has started appearing sexy to Bardhan and she will probably be the next PM. But Loaloo doesnt think so. His exact words were: “I also want to be the Prime Minister, but can I be?So much is the excitement in the political circles that even Govinda will cancel his shooting to vote and a convicted BJP MP will also vote. Gowda has been badly shaken up from his slumber and hopes to make that which he couldnt in the face of the lost cause in Karnataka. Akalis were probably undecided on whether or not to keep the sick (or was it Sikh) PM in office. But last heard they finally decided, money is more important and will vote against UPA. Dayanidhi Maran will abstain for voting because he did not get Karunanidhis birthday cake. Pappu cant dance but Pappu Yadav will vote.

In all this ruckus of mangled and mingled priorities. all politicians forgot one simple thing – India. Javed Akhtar can now proudly recreate the song thus: Panchi, Nadiyaan, politician ke irade…… koi N-deal naa inhe roke.

Post-script: Meanwhile, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa challenge and Comedy Circus have invited some “surma'”s from across the border and have presented to their audience the difficulties that the contestants have in having to sign-in at the local police station every 15 days. Apparently that is coming in the way of their sleeping time and making them more nervous on stage. Oh, and a few army personnel died fighting “misled” Pakistani Muslims in J&K yesterday – almost slipped my mind. I wish it did.

Secular? us??

June 29, 2008

There seems to be no rush in defending minority rights in some instances in our great country, India. It is only but coincidence (sic) that this is true when the minorities in question are Hindus. The great Setalvad-de-graves and the Roy’s of our age have decided that Rights violation issues involving Hindus are not worth even a mention.

But I am not overtly worried of the above-mentioned. They are only being true to themselves- by being such hypocrites. So as much as it is undesirable, we know about such self haters. What is appalling is the response of the general public.

Srinagar is known to be a volatile place but such violence because a 40 acre land was transferred to the Amarnath Shrine board, temporarily, for make-shift arrangments for pilgrims makes me wonder, with what face these people claim the Haj subsidies? Also makes me wonder about the plight of Hindu minority in a Muslim majority area. And am only talking about India!

I wish, those mullahs, sicular politicians and journalists, who jump at the mention of “Islamic” terrorism, could come out and clarify their stance on this issue. All am asking is to whine more than about the two “Hindu” fucktards who blew a cinema house as a counter claim. Am waiting….

On Cricket – IPL that is

May 23, 2008

Ok, here it is. I mean, people have all cajoled me into writing this one. They are like – Macchi, you played it all your life and broke 3 teeth, two thumbs and one knee (the knee in this context is mine). And when the single most important thing is happening to it, you put a shovel through your mouth-aaa ? emphasis theirs.

A part of the reason why I (figuratively) have put my mouth through a shovel (or vice-versa) is just because I personally think its not significant. I mean, give me a million bucks and I will play soccer with my torn-ligament-de-right-knee but … lemme list my quibbles about IPL T20:

1. Spinners have no role to play in this format. Yes once in a while a Warne or a Kumble will come and pick a couple of wickets. But seriously in the longer run, every spinner has been screwed. It takes away a beautiful art of the game.

2. Batsmen win/ lose the game. Cheerleaders have more responsibilities than bowlers. And yes, I say this the very day Sohail Tanveer blew off CSK with a 6er. It happens once in a while. And you know it. Yes iknow he did it twice dumass.

3. People are confused. (Ok. Digression alert: I like putting in “people”, when I want to convey something about me- and, when I am unsure of other peoples viewpoints). They may like certain players who are spread out in different teams and worse comes to worst, end up loggerheads. Imagine what Preity had to go through when Punjab Kings XI were engaged against Tendulkar and Mumbai in general! Loyalties are totally screwed up.

4. That un-foreseen rivalry drivel: I was told that IPL brings out great battles like Kumble bowling to Sachin etc.. Bullshit. In 4 overs, you see no crap. The batsmen swing because they have to. And bowlers get hit for a six or if they are lucky, the batsmen hole out.

5. Cheerleaders: Do they even know whats happening? I understand curious dehati people ogling at them. (dehati in this context implies to those urban geeks as well). But do these people understand this cheerleading thing? People, they are here to lure you to come spend Rs 600 or how much ever it costs you. Its like the carrot, dumass. And (Chandler Bing ishtyle) no, you dont get it. Could you be any more stupid? And of course Afridi has a reason to blame now.

6. Players from different countries: When your team has players from your region for show-purpose only and when the real work is done by Aussie cricketers, why the hell are you Chennai Super Kings? Even South African Royal challengers beat you. Shame on you. No Kaveri water for 3 more months for you.

7. This is probably the most important reason: Aamir Sohail. And his commentary skills in particular. The guy, understandably, lacks common sense. He also beats you down with surprisingly low aptitude on cricket, politics, fashion and etiquette. Wonder how Robin Jackman, Siva and Sunny put up with him. Ah, they’re all losing it too. Shastri seems to be avoiding this chap.

Having said all that, when you come back from office and are tired and want to commit suicide one more time, what better time pass than to watch some 45k people pay to watch 40 overs of utter madness? And of course one important thing IPL does, is highlight young talent. But wait we have a full-fledged domestic season that no one watches. Yeah, what the hell.

In conclusion, here are my ratings for the teams to keep you amused for that much more time

1. Rajasthan Royals: Launchpad for Warne to catapult back to the Aussie test team. Apparently Ricky called him, got down on one knee and proposed. Rumor has it that Warne will also be the coach, friend, philosopher and guide for each player in the team and umpires as well.

2. Kings XI Punjab: Agreed they are from Punjab, but does it mean they have to keep shouting all the time? And isnt pagadi part of the attire? And damn you, Ness.

3. Delhi Daredevils: An appropriate name for the group. And the punks will probably not go on to the next round. IIM grads do work.

4. Chennai Super Kings: Yeah, you guys suck. And Gony isnt from Madurai.

5. Bangalore Royal Challengers: Mallya probably realized that sports isnt his realm. Not if he thinks he can make money off this team. This model will be used to explain the terms “implosion”, “fall like 9 pins” and “Jesus @@@@@@@ Christ” in class IX Physics, English and Catechism classes respectively. Venkatesh Prasads only career highlight will be that Aamir Sohail incident. Lets see how much more he can chew it.

6. Mumbai Indians: Interestingly, the only other team without a Pakistani player. Jayasurya’s retirement plan. They are the moral police of the IPL. But with Bhajji cooling his heels off, it wont stay that way for long.

7. Deccan Chargers: For a state with severe electric shortage, the problems started with the name itself. Apparently when VVvvvvvvS Laxman said, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”, Symonds threatened to sue him for being racist.

8. KKR: And finally, my favorite team. Man! have I got a life or what!!! It starts with (of course “one thing” as Linkin Park put it, and as they put it again, “In the end, it doesnt even matter”) SRK who brought new meaning to “dancing down the aisle”. Apparently someone thought it wasnt funny which left SRK fuming. He finally came up with a statement saying John, Dada and himself are at peace. And also said “This 150 run thing isnt working for us. Lets put up 200 from next match onwards.” Rumor has it that Ganguly has declared mutiny. The war cry is nahin cholbe re…. Also heard, to promote team spirit, the foreign players have declared they wont take bath until the tournament is over. Shoaib is planning to move over to Mumbai. (not the team, Bollywood re baba).

And, in one corner, Lalit Modi is rofl-ing away.

Holier than thou…

May 20, 2008

And am not talking of the one that Metallica made famous. Well, not yet. I am talking of this plain drubbing that the Left gave to its allies (yes!), the ones in power.

Come to think of it. Commies do have balls. To claim what they have have, is a rather modest way of saying ‘We rock. And oh, by the way, you suck’.  They play the secular card with the Congress – or better put, against the BJP and the economy card against the Congress – no, this time, not with the damned communal BJP.

And oh, in case you didnt pay attention, all UPA failures are a direct consequence of “government ignoring the Left (over?) suggestions.” (Emphasis mine)

Did you check out the line on how UPA has tip-toed the Imperialist US’ line? And no comment on the stance on Tawang or the friendly fire from the MFN (:D yay!) friends across the border was made. Maybe they want freedom too- from a minoritarian rule (oh, like thats not a word). And forget the cancer that goes in the name of Naxalism and Islamic Jehad. But yes they found it important to play the secular-card: He showered encomiums on the Human Resource Development Ministry for strengthening the secular fabric of education. How? I dont know. Ask the control-freak!

Its strange how a party with a total of 53 seat out a 534 (roughly 10%), is effective in playing the role of the Opposition by keeping the Bharatiya Janata Party away from occupying it as well as of keeping the government alive, even while keeping it on tight leash. Leash? Again, whats their stance on homosexuality?

I mean, they are both for and against government.  (No, not in the self-questioning way – more in the vein of someone high on the superiority complex drug: If it works, I fixed it. If it doesn’t you put it wrong). They are, and they are against the opposition. And they are just 10%- today. It is a beautifully orchestrated divide-and-rule politics. At least, Macaulay will be chuckling.

Its heads-I-win-tails-you-lose situation against the Congress and BJP. Our only hope is the second “coming”. And while you are on it please put a face to this ass.

I end with this supremely superb quote from HHGG:  “I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.” – Zaphod Beeblebrox.  So aptly suits our Left.